This has been a year of contradiction--a year of change. The path I have walked has been on shifting sands. In fact, change was the only constant for me. Things I believed were in my control, things I became accustomed to over the years slipped away. And I realized some things about myself.
- I don't like to give up control but am afraid to take it
- I need reassurance and approval but am afraid to ask for it
- I won't fight when you take my toys but I will miss them terribly
- I want to shine in the darkness--I want you to see me but I don't want you to look too close
- I don't like change
I am a private person trying to make my way in a public arena. I'm scared, I'm hurt, and I hid behind anonymity for so long that I've lost my way--my sense of self. Living in the shadows, in the background, was not my best choice. But it is what it is. You reap what you sow. And through it all, I am still hopeful.
If I wish for anything, I hope to find myself again. Find the spark that ignited my creativity, my music, my joy and hold it tight enough without snuffing it out.
If there is anyone who still follows this blog, know that I wish you peace, happiness, and light. May you never lose your spark.
All the most powerful wishes I have sent right back at you.
ReplyDeleteYou have more to manage than most people could ever comprehend. Don't doubt your creativity and your ability to reach out, even through your own pain, and left someone else up.
Much love always